Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
