dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
