you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
