Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
