I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
