i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
