I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Come see our sink grown plant.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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