the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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