2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
