had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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