I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
