Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
