You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
