Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
