I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
