He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
