My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
