WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
