Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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