Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
