? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
