well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
