I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
