Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
