she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
