Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
