I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
