who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
