Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
