I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
