Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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