Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
