Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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