If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize