I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's always time for handjobs
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
