im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can text with my tongue
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
