ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
