So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
