Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
