Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
