Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
