Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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