hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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