I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
