I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
