how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
