i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
