also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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