Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
