When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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