I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
