I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
