Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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