Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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