either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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