I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize