This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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