eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just gargled with NyQuil
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
