she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
