GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize