I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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