I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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