Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
