Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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