I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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