I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
