woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
