If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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