Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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