i think my tv is drunk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
