I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
