clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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