I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
