Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
