I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
